i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
