YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
