walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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