My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
