It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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