Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
