Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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