I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
