you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have fence marks all over my body
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
