we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
