The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
