Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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