I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
