the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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