im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
