I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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