ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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