Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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