rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
