Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
