I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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