I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
