Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
