We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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