he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
