Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My pussy is not your playground.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
