I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
