Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
