I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
