i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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