You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
