having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
