Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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