i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
