so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
