a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
