Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
