1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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