I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
