I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she pinky promised me she was 18
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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