I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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