My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
