my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
