My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
