i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
