new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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