I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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