tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
