We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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