I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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