Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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