you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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