Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
