his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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