I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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