The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
