Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
