This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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