glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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