So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
