i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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