didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
